Failing and Bailing on Anxiety Exposures? (Episode 149)
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In this episode, Josh and Drew tackle a common hurdle in anxiety recovery: what happens when an exposure feels like a "failure" or when you choose to "bail."
An exposure is the deliberate act of evoking an anxious response. It is a way to rewire the brain by intentionally lighting up the threat response and practicing response prevention. The goal is to teach your brain that you are safe even when you feel scared, rather than trying to force yourself to feel calm.
Many people believe that feeling high levels of anxiety during an exposure means they have failed. This is a misconception. The exposure is designed to make you feel anxious; therefore, feeling those symptoms is exactly what is supposed to happen.
"Failure" is often a label generated by your Inner Critic based on perfectionist expectations. True growth comes from being willing to experience the discomfort, even if the execution feels "messy".
Bailing occurs when the discomfort becomes overwhelming and you choose to retreat. While this can feel like a setback, it is often a signal that you need more self-compassion. We discuss the "punch in the face" moment. That's the the point where the plan goes out the window because the physical sensations or intrusive thoughts become intense.
The "Bad Day Playbook": Don't try to make it up on the fly when you're panicked. Have a pre-planned set of actions to take if an exposure doesn't go as intended.
Avoid "White-Knuckling": Simply "pushing through" while counting down the seconds to escape is not the same as a willing exposure.
The Goal is Willingness: Recovery is about changing your relationship with the anxiety, not eliminating the feeling. Even an "unplanned" exposure—like a sudden intrusive thought or a physical symptom—is an opportunity to practice these principles.
Go Through the Peak: If possible, try not to leave the situation at the height of your distress. Leaving on the "back end" of the peak, on your own terms, provides the best learning opportunity for your brain.
We also share "Did It Anyway" stories from the community, including a powerful example of navigating health anxiety during a family party.
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Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out Worry and Rumination Explained, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. The workshop takes a deep dive into the mechanics of worrying and ruminating, offering some helpful ways to approach the seemingly unsolvable problem of trying to solve seemingly unsolvable problems.
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